When I first see her, I don’t want to touch her. she looks like she’ll break under the finest touches. so when she’s placed in my arms, (I wince at how the nurse holds her), I try to make my arms as soft as possible. then I’m still. she’s sleeping and wrapped tightly in cloth and I’m terrified. I need to keep her head up but can’t hold or press on it too hard. I can’t shuffle lest wake her, yet I don’t want her to be uncomfortable or she’ll wake up regardless. the nurse is giving me little instructions and I nod despite hearing them through cotton. I focus and try my best. then I’m still again. I’m terrified and she continues to sleep and after a while I realise how warm she is and soft and new and it stops being so scary. when my wife wants to feed her, she has to wrestle our daughter out of my arms. I can’t wait to hold her again.