The sky fills with clouds and the pattering is gentle.
The tiny dancers turn the leaves,
Until they tap their beat into the ground.
The sky darkens, and the soldiers come.
The army tears the leaves and bark from their homes,
And storm them to the dampen floor.
They retreat, the sky is filled with sunlight.
The rain dries and returns to home,
The cloud march on for new land.
Papers shuffle then shake
Arms go to liquid
Lip is gnawed
A thousand eyes hidden behind red curtains
Eyes watching, waiting,
Shuffle Papers and remember one thing,
Don’t fuck this up.
Wrapped in layers of warmth.
The dim rustle of movement outside,
Rocks me in the softness of my carriage.
I hear voices familiar and gentle.
Only darkness exists here,
Far away from the bright world above.
Slowly, surely, I rest,
Drifting away to a better place than this.
A vampire trying to run away from the sunrise.
“I’ve done something…bad.”
“Couldn’t you have waited until after the wedding?”
Laid in shielding arms from the storm
And held tight to never part.
A whispered promise is made
To hold on in spirit.
Over-fed and grumbling,
The furred animal will tolerate,
Grubby little hands and sticky fingers
Of its beloved master it sits by
Very slowly, the warm feeling mounts,
Unknown to it’s owner what is its meaning
Soon they will know, why they want to hold on
And never let go of this one.
Evening comes in and the sun fades,
The figures softly crying are like warm flames of a fireplace
They settle weak in their bed
Surrounded by fond memories to replay until sleep comes.
The main narrative arc of your story should lead to a final, satisfying outcome. The process of getting to that point, however, is made far more interesting by subplots.
If all your beta reader feedback is about on the love triangle, it may not be a good idea to focus on the awkward dialogue.
Who needs a professional editor? You need a professional editor!