I believe in my last writing update I said I’d be doing these consistently again…I guess we all know what a big faced liar I am. But honestly its been hard to find a routine again, getting back into blogging and, you know, not being a hermit. It’s very difficult when I just can’t bring myself to leave the comfort of writing.
But baby steps, I’m starting to write some short stories on the side and starting the whole planning and drafting process again with my book has really helped me pull some writing advice together that I’m really excited about.
But I’m clearly not leaving my comfort zone just yet as this is going to be all about my writing and why its shit. I have written 7152 words of pure shit this week. Now I know it’s a first draft, I know it’s going to be awful; I know I should just leave it…but why can’t it be perfect now?
When I’m writing I can just feel myself slogging, almost dragging myself along my belly to get from A to B. It just feels so heavy and clunky and just ugh. The urge to slap myself and scream ‘WRITE BETTER!’ is growing by the day. But I know I must wait this first draft out.
But there’s still that niggling feeling: What if this is the best I can do? Am I a terrible writer? What am I doing with my life?…Even though this is the fifth first draft I’ve had to sit through. It’s like winter. It always comes and yet somehow catches me off guard.
I miss editing at least when editing I jumped between genius and hack on a bungee cord. And its slow progress, was writing always this painful? I keep thinking I must be in the seventh level of Hell to be going to through this never-ending circle of drafting, editing and scrapping. Better pray number five is good enough to stick with.